What I think about when I can’t sleep

I’m sure some of you can relate.IMG_4465

This, for me, is most of the time. I’ve tried everything. Lavender everything, hot showers before bed, wine before bed, Sleepy time tea, Horlicks, training before bed, yoga and meditation, cold showers before bed, herbal sleeping tablets, no wine before bed, watching TV, all electrical devices out of my room, Diazepam (a really mild, prescribed sleeping aid), no training before bed time. NOTHING WORKS.

Well, maybe the Diazepam did briefly.

I have just come to the conclusion that I am among the ranks of Australia’s great over-thinkers and under-sleepers. I have been this way since my early 20s and I don’t see it changing any time soon.

My mother is the same. She’s of the opinion that she just has a few bad nights and eventually she’s so tired that she just has a massive sleep and she’s all better again. I don’t like her thinking. My job involves conversing with people and talking them into buying stuff they don’t need – I need to be ON. ALL. THE. TIME. And my mother has staying power that’s utterly enviable.

It’s a result of many sleepless nights that I turned to coffee. For comfort. Warmth. Understanding. Humaning. Doing the ‘standy-uppy’ thing.

Is my insomnia the reason I drink so much coffee? Or is my coffee drinking the reason I have insomnia-like tendencies? Who knows.

But… Back to the story at hand.

So, what goes through my head on a nightly basis?

Here is an example from the last month of no sleepy time thoughts…

“I wonder is the Fast and the Furious franchise was planned out that way all along, or after the balls up of Tokyo Drift, writers and directors chose to up the ante to redeem themselves”
“Where in the house can I put my dying Fiddle Leaf Fig and possibly save it?”
“If I fall asleep in the next five minutes I can get exactly three and a half hours sleep before I have to get ready for work”
“No, you don’t need to pee, you’re just bored…”
“OK, you can’t bitch out on going to the gym tomorrow… your bag is packed, food is prepped and gym gear is out. Get. The. Fuck. Up. (Yeah, nine times out of 10, I stayed in bed)
“I wonder if I could make a career out of floristry…”
“Should I buy the snakeskin-print jumpsuit from work?” (I didn’t. When a blonde Amazonia Goddess you work with tries it on, rocks it like Beyonce rocks sequins, and buys it, yield.)
“I’m hungry”.
“I really shouldn’t drink coffee after midday”.
“Shit. Did I empty the washing machine?”
“Wait up. Haven’t seen Kaley Cuoco post pics of her husband on Instagram in a while… why?” (Yeah… sadly not together anymore. And for the record, my boyfriend knew that before I did.)
“Is it time to get up yet?”
And on and on it goes. I can’t remember half the things I think about because I’m too tired to remember or write them down, but you catch my drift.

Anyone feel me?

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